This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
