There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
