thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
