Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
