so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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