watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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