Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
