My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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