My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The air was thick with penises
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
