You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
