youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
