If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I want her autograph on my taint
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
