I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
