just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
