i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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