My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
