I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
