Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
