im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
