Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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