I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
