the new term for farting is butt boxing.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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