sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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