Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
