He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
