Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
