Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
