woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
