I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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