I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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