There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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