The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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