$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
