I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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