I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
