So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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