I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
