So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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