I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
