You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
