My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
