let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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