That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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