remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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