I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
