I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
