its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
