as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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