its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
