tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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