Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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