My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
