Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
