It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
