did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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