Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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