$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
