I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
