ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
